Dual....:-)
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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