i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
