They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need water and some morals
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
