who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize