i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Randomize
