...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
