You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
