I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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