: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
