i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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