Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
