every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
