I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
