literally had 100 drinks last night.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
