so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize