My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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