life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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