Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
