grandma shit on top of the toilet
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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