Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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