Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
