guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
