My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
