he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
