he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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