Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
