I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
