glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
