i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
