I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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