bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
