AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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