Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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