Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
