To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize