may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
