i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
