I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
