Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize