You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
