I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
