help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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