ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
