You smell like stripper and shame
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
