Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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