Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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