i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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