3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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