So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
