I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
