dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
not ubering you a puppy
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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