I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
