Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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