Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
