y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
