while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
