i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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