with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
