We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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