Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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