somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
