In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I only lived at night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His nipple licking is glorious
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