he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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