google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize