i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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